he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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