He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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