jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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