And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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