so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was born a porn star she said
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
