About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
