I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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