her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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