just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
