I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize