I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
