sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
