dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
