Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
