So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
