listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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