No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
