Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
