My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
