True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
