You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
