filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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