I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
