I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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