Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
