i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
