I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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