You're my little dorito
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
