my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
