i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
