i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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