Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
