what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
