How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
