what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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