My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
