watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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