Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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