I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize