I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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