i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What drink are we having for lunch?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
