shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
