Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
