grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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