i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
