apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i will never coherently bang her
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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