He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
