The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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