Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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