I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
