This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
