I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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