Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize