mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
