chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
