So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
