what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
