WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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