Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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